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A General Theory Of Love

The key to healthy long-term relationships is the level of emotional connection within a couple. While unrequited love is possible, a loving relationship is always mutual. Mature affection comes from knowing and caring for each other instead of just being mere acquaintances as falling in love requires.

A General Theory of Love


The 19-year-old couple who think that they love with each other but might actually be more infatuated with the idea of being in love, the 45-year-old with an interest in neuroscience, and anyone who wants to know what love really is.

Complement this fragment of the altogether illuminating A General Theory of Love with poet Ronald Johnson on matter, music, and the mind, then revisit José Ortega y Gasset on how our loves shape our character and George Saunders on breaking our patterns to unbreak our hearts.

'Clare Shaw's fourth collection is an exploration of how grief, as the 'negative image of love', colours and changes every aspect of the world... Shaw's particular genius for simile, titles and list-poems are also evident here. The poet's distinctive northern voice resonates through assured rhythm, exquisite rhyme when needed, and the music of lament especially in elegies and memories about their mother.' - Pauline Rowe, Orbis, on Towards a General Theory of Love

'An authentic, strong and searingly honest voice comes through this fourth collection of poems from Clare Shaw, published by Bloodaxe Books. In Towards a General Theory of Love, Shaw explores love from a range of different perspectives, imbued with melancholy, pain, suffering, and hope.' - Jane Broadis, The School Librarian

Relive the sensuality, the romance, and the drama of Fifty Shades Freed—the love story that enthralled millions of readers around the world—through the thoughts, reflections, and dreams of

E L James revisits the world of Fifty Shades with a deeper and darker take on the love story that has enthralled millions of readers around the globe. Their scorching, sensual affair ended in

After their parents die, she lives with her sister, Odette. When Orlando, a visiting Angolan mining engineer, falls in love with Odette, he realizes it is a package deal. He brings both sisters with him to live in the Angolan capital of Luanda, in a huge luxury apartment with a private rooftop veranda and a vast library.

In one small instance, Ludo releases one of the captured pigeons, even though it has swallowed some of the diamonds, because it carries a love note in a cylinder on its leg. That act affects the lives of many of the characters we meet.

E-mail Chandrama AndersonAbout this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

_OC_InitNavbar("child_node":["title":"My library","url":" =114584440181414684107\u0026source=gbs_lp_bookshelf_list","id":"my_library","collapsed":true,"title":"My History","url":"","id":"my_history","collapsed":true,"title":"Books on Google Play","url":" ","id":"ebookstore","collapsed":true],"highlighted_node_id":"");Towards a General Theory of LoveClare ShawBloodaxe Books, May 26, 2022 - English poetry - 80 pages 0 ReviewsReviews aren't verified, but Google checks for and removes fake content when it's identifiedClare Shaw's fourth collection Towards a General Theory of Love shows that poetry can say as much as about who we are - and especially how we feel - as psychology. They also feed each other. Harry Harlow's famous experiments on baby monkeys changed the course of psychology. They proved that we need care, contact and love - and they inflicted profound and lasting suffering on their subjects. Clare Shaw's poems in Towards a General Theory of Love are driven by the same furious need to understand the experience of love and its absence. Harlow's findings, attachment theory, mythology and art are set alongside stories of attraction, grief and desire. The book is inhabited by the character of Monkey, who shows by example how early attachments and trauma may shape us, but how ultimately the individual - like the reader - will come to realise her, his or their own general theory and practice of love.

This original and lucid account of the complexities of love and its essential role in human well-being draws on the latest scientific research. Three eminent psychiatrists tackle the difficult task of reconciling what artists and thinkers have known for thousands of years about the human heart with what has only recently been learned about the primitive functions of the human brain. A General Theory of Love demonstrates that our nervous systems are not self-contained: from earliest childhood, our brains actually link with those of the people close to us, in a silent rhythm that alters the very structure of our brains, establishes life-long emotional patterns, and makes us, in large part, who we are. Explaining how relationships function, how parents shape their child's developing self, how psychotherapy really works, and how our society dangerously flouts essential emotional laws, this is a work of rare passion and eloquence that will forever change the way you think about human intimacy.

The limbic portion of the brain, which governs feeling,considerably predates the cortex, which is the seat of reason. Our love livesare typically dominated by the former, and that's too bad: In this case,older is definitely not wiser.

The limbic system is responsible for that Velcro collision called"falling in love." If our limbic patterning is off when it comes tolove, we can suffer endless trouble, write psychiatrists Thomas Lewis, FanAmini and Richard Lannon in A General Theory of Love. Dreams of falling inlove and living happily ever after spin out of "the airy regions of thecortex, which drafts its scripts using imagination, logic and will." Butthe gnarly plots of the limbic brain are more likely to prevail: "Thereone can read love stories like this: Boy meets girl, who (reminiscent of hismother) is needy and stifles his independence; they struggle bitterly overthe years and resent each other a little more every day."

Why do we tend to repeat our errors in choosing whom to love?Because the qualities of character, personality and behavior that make us gogaga over somebody, called Attractors by the authors, are etched into psycheso early and indelibly: "That concentrated knowledge whispers to a childfrom beneath the veil of consciousness, telling him what relationships are,how they function, what to anticipate, how to conduct them." Throughoutour lives, we reach, time and again, for that old familiar love--the kind weknew in our families, the kind that came our way, for better or worse, frommother, father, siblings, nanny. These blueprints lead some of us into thearms of those who yawn and look at their watches, or pick on us, or praise usand belittle us in the same breath, or reject us cruelly--or even hit. Likechocolate Labradors (who also have limbic systems), we may cross paths withfolks who would be kinder to us than those we ultimately choose, who would bequicker with treats, fonder of walks. But we pooh- pooh the nice guys: Wesniff a little and trot off, uninterested. Later, over merlot, we lament tofriends: "Geez, he's a swell guy, but the chemistry's just notthere."

When the chemistry is there, we are in love, a state that"twists together three high-tensile strands: a potent feeling that theother fits in a way that no one has before or will again, an irresistibledesire for skin-to-skin proximity, and a delirious urge to disregard allelse." Loving is limbically different from being in love. Loving is"synchronous attunement and modulation. As such, adult love dependscritically upon knowing the other." Loving is what happens after thelimbic thrill is gone, and it's more substantial than that thrill:"In a dazzling vote of form over substance, our culture fawns over thefleetingness of being 'in love' while discounting the importance of'loving.'" 041b061a72


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